Whether or not we choose to act on sexual feelings is much more complex than just having them or sharing them with someone else. If either of you doesn't have the trust or maturity to swing that just yet, that's a sure sign now would be a lousy time to get more sexual. I wouldn't have a problem having sex with him. Do I feel good about myself after those things? In other words, while at 14 you may not really be "at" sex with partners, you might at 16, which is only two years away.
If those starting points alone really spin your head, it's safe to say it's probably best to acknowledge and honor the feelings you have right now, knowing they are fine to have, but to figure you're a ways away from being able to put them into action with someone else in a way that's likely to make you happy or feel okay. But it's still almost always present in some respect at every stage of life. That said, one of the most important things I think any of us always need to ask ourselves when we're considering sex with someone else is what it is we're looking for in it. I am also pretty sure me and my bf will eventually have some one way or another. Does sex with this person right now fit with my values? As we continue in childhood, our sexuality will tend to include sexual curiosity, where, for instance, children are curious about what the genitals of other children's bodies, or the bodies of our parents, look like. Let him tell you how he feels: Spend more time together getting to know one another better, talking these things through, and gradually exploring sex in slower steps rather than trying to jump into the deep end when you haven't even learned how to doggy paddle yet. I'm not a person who gets judgy about sexual readiness based only on age: It tends to take some time and life experience to get a foothold on the communication and assertiveness skills people need to be able to have about sex in order to lead sexual lives that go well for everyone involved. When we say "sex" here at Scarleteen, we mean any number of different things people do to tangibly express or enact their sexuality and their sexual feelings for more, click here. For example, would you want to feel a lot less worried about messing up? They know and understand how important it is to you. I want to also add that the idea that your boyfriend is ready for all of this just because he wants it -- or because you think he does due to his being a guy, an assumption that's just as often not true as it is true -- is iffy. I'm going to leave you some links I think will help you, and can get you started with the kind of information you need to know in order to make these choices smartly. How about how you would want to feel about your body or your own sexuality: Few people in their early teens have a lot of what is needed in order to have healthy and satisfying sexual lives with partners, especially when they include kinds of sex that present high risks of sexually transmitted infections , pregnancy or heavy negative social outcomes. Have those things felt good so far to me physically and emotionally? It's clear that one big first step you haven't taken yet is to stop guessing and to start really, and deeply, taking about all of this together. There is so much to think about with big sexual decisions, especially when we've no experience making them, that if we try and do it all in our heads, it can make thing less clear instead of more clear. Some of the other things the best time for sex requires are the ability for everyone to give real consent -- which can't happen when you're wasted out of your gourd -- nothing that's optional, like sex or drinking, seeming like it will simply happen, rather than be something you choose, and ideally, it also won't involve anyone breaking any laws. As a minor, that will usually mean at least one person who is a legal adult and who you really, really trust and know has earned that trust. You're about to seriously rush in. That's also a kind of setup where you're more likely to feel more distant from each other because of sex than closer, which probably also isn't something you want. But, in a nutshell? Those steps give us a lot of information about if further steps are or aren't likely to be a good thing.
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