SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it's my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car. The moment in Bridget Jones: When Big suggests that they spend a couple of days a week in separate apartments they own TWO apartments, because life is hard! Anyway, our heroines have lots of dull misadventures out in Abu Dhabi, which is presented as a modern Middle Eastern luxury hotel complex with burqas and tradition, but also nightclubs and fun and drinks and karaoke — no cigarettes, though. I just don't want to be sick in my mouth.
They go to Abu Dhabi! But the truth is, the show was fantastic: The answer from this Friday, when SATC 2 opens, looks set to being in the affirmative and I warn you now, this article will be full of spoilers, spoilers of both the film and your memories of the show. At the end of the first SATC movie —after eleventy decades of chasing his emotionally abusive jowls through the streets of Manhattan—Carrie finally marries Mr. Samantha, being the prostitute sexual revolutionary that she is, rages against the machine by publicly grabbing the engorged penis of a man she dubs "Lawrence of My-Labia. A woman can love fashion without looking and behaving like an international call girl. All Middle Eastern men are shot in a sparkly light with jingly jangly music just in case you didn't get that these dusky people are exotic and different. Has the change of life dulled its sparkle? That's right, two gay characters who always hated each other in the show but now get married because, well, they're both gay. Miranda is a lawyer who has red hair. And speaking of Manhattan, the only ethnic minorities you see there are waiting behind counters to sell the women expensive handbags. Let us start with the "plot. Is that too much to ask? This has been corrected. Or perhaps it's time to call it a day. This was a plotline that seemed so true and heartfelt, two words that one would be hard pressed to employ about the big romantic twist to the second film. She hates that he sits on the couch. Judging from the hideous trailer and even more hideous scenes that have been leaked on the web, yes, all this is just beyond the capabilities of the pink-fringed, cliche-ridden, materialistic, misogynistic, borderline racist Sex and the City 2. She hates that he wants to spend quality time with her in their incredibly expensive and gaudy apartment. And I don't, most of all, want to spend two hours watching dreams and memories from my youth being trampled into humiliating self-parody. It accepts unlimited male penises with the greatest of ease. I told you we are never to speak of this. Or have both been so blinded by the success of the show that they have lost sight of its original appeal? But unlike in the films, that's not all there was, and that wasn't all the characters cared about. What else do you need to be married?
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