Tim let me stay at his place. Go big or go home. You have to ride this out. Also, be sure to go in the regular line and not the bottle service line. I debated telling the leasing company a whopper of a lie I got mugged!
Not everything is about me. What could possibly be the common thread in all of these events? Made passive-aggressive Facebook posts whose subjects were open to interpretation Told a woman my brother was interested in all about our tumultuous teenage years Locked my keys in the car twice and then lost them again for the 87th time Now, let's put our thinking caps together. The truth is far from that, children! It was torrential rain outside, and Markie drove Steve, Joey and me to the house. We got there late which was my fault -- shocking, I know , so we just sat at the bar and had bloody Marys because I was driving and needed something to sip. I walked the escalator up three floors and walked by Reid, who saw the whole thing but was with a customer. Thankfully, my work schedule didn't leave much room for partying, and I stayed at my parents' at least one of those nights. I was talking down a friend from the proverbial ledge and maybe I took on his feelings after our conversation ended, because after I was done wiping his tears away and sent him to the dance floor, I saw another friend was holding hands with one of my eight million crushes, and my brain went snap-crackle-pop. My safest, happiest, place. I don't even fucking know. I couldn't stop pacing. She politely laughed and then I drank the antibiotic-in-a-cup that tastes like sidewalk chalk. After the show, we met with people from the city who were thrilled that Hopkins has a comedy club. I searched what little of my soul there was left and decided that I needed to put a moratorium on booze. I literally only bought Chap Stick. An athletic man of the same age sat by me but only ordered a water with cherries and said he was kicked out of an earlier restaurant. I decided to get tested for everything. An elderly gay couple told me I was cute. I didn't own anything neon, so we all just threw neon headbands at each other. A handsome year-old from Orlando was there and Johnny and I told him where to go every night as far as the club scene. I cried all the way on the walk home and made awkward eye contact with handsome young lawyers. My phone was going to die and my charger was in my car so I bought one of those boost charger things, although St. I clocked into work and didn't need to be around anybody for two hours, which was a nice bonus. Loretta, who was beyond annoyed but made plans to deliver a car key to my house. This was worse than when Erin and I went to Jetset and tried to pretend we were from Seattle and the one hot guy we talked to was from there and our cover was blown. I am the maligned villain who thinks she's all that and a bag of Fritos.
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