To be popular Just about everyone would agree, here and now, that popularity is not a healthy reason to have sex. In the article on Personal Agency, we discussed the importance of making decisions from within yourself. Any reason for not wanting to, then, is a good reason not to. The resistance our decision-making inertia comes up against is thought — thinking about the choices we make and why. Having sex will not make you mature. Not feeling ready means not being ready; feeling too young means being too young. For one, there are many ways to experience physical pleasure that do not involve having sex. Intimacy Intimacy is a special feeling of closeness shared between two people.
However, in a trusting relationship where both partners reciprocate feelings and are emotionally mature, intimacy can be a healthy reason to have sex. Protecting oneself emotionally is a fine reason to wait, or to choose not to engage in sexual activity again for a time. The type of intimacy shared through sex may make a relationship stronger, but there is no guarantee of this. Check out the article, The Hymen: Check in with the components of sexual readiness in Part 1. Intimacy Intimacy is a special feeling of closeness shared between two people. Most romantic couples strive for some level of intimacy in their relationships; this can be achieved through physical means such as sex, cuddling, kissing or hand-holding as well as emotional means, such as the sharing of thoughts, feelings and values verbally. Having sex will not make you mature. Being an adult is much more about the choices you make and the values you establish than about isolated actions. If the other person is having sex with you for, say, reasons of reputation, you stand to get hurt when your desire for love and a sense of worth fall through. Adolescence is a time of intense emotional, intellectual, psychological and physical development. Eighteen percent of teens in the survey above reported the desire to be popular as a reason for choosing to have sex. Your decision to have sex should come from you. There is a concern, particularly among relationships between young people, that this can lead to significant pain if the relationship ends, or if the other partner is not as invested in the relationship. It should not be demanded in exchange for something else, such as the maintenance of a relationship. A Membrane Widely Misunderstood , for clarification on the hymen myth. If you believe that sex should be reserved for marriage, for someone you love, for people older than yourself, etc. First off, you should know that not everyone is doing it. The resistance our decision-making inertia comes up against is thought — thinking about the choices we make and why. The following are some common reasons young people choose not to have sex. If your partner is less committed to the relationship than you, you stand to get hurt if intimacy is your reason for choosing to have sex. If you trust the judgment of parents, friends, mentors or other respected people in your life along with your own , then not wanting to disappoint them or strain relationships with them is a legitimate reason for waiting. A basic part of respecting others involves caring how they think and feel, and trusting their judgment. Any reason for not wanting to, then, is a good reason not to. For one, there are many ways to experience physical pleasure that do not involve having sex. However, the social pressure young people face makes this reason very tempting. Young women in particular may have heard that the first time is very painful, accompanied by the breaking of the hymen and a bunch of blood, making it seem like something best gotten over with.
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